Because the dialysis affected every aspect of my daily life, I rarely thought about the cancer. I mean, something's gonna kill me, who cares what?
It looks like my kidneys are stabilizing well and the success may continue. Well, heck - now I'm thinking about the cancer more - when will it come back? Where will it show up? How long will it take to die? It doesn't help that I have insomnia and a lot of empty hours in the night to let these train cars ramble through my head and then back again.
Last week I had a PET scan, which looks throughout the entire body for signs of tumors. My heart was pounding and palms sweaty and of course, it took forever for the oncologist to come into the exam room. I was listening on my Ipod to Geneen Roth, a well known author who writes about eating disorders. She lost a fortune in the Madoff ponzi scheme and now feels there's a relationship between the way we treat food and the way we treat money. Ask me if I care.
Dr. A. comes into the room, smiles, and says "all clear". "Now get out of here and have a good summer."
What did I do next? Why I walked across the street and bought myself a pair of new red shoes. Not 3" stiletto heels, but a more functional kind:
