I am 99% sure of the simple truth that if you don't take care of your diabetes, it's going to come crashing to the front of the line, screaming, "me first".
So, when I make a bunch of dumb-ass decisions that gain their own momentum, what am I thinking? That things have magically changed? (Guess not).
I have been very very high for two days, beginning yesterday with the birthday bagels a co-worker brought in. I'd already eaten my standard breakfast (brown rice and vegetables), but had an entire giant bagel with strawberry cream cheese. Then we had a staff lunch of lasagna and garlic bread, followed by a "few" Christmas cookies and later in the afternoon, some caramel corn somebody'd left in the lunch room. I was chasing the highs all day with Humalog but just kept eating. Then last night had to get up every two hours to be sure I wasn't crashing.
Woke this morning still high, probably from rebound. Then more treats at the office and off I was, soaring, and feeling absolutely awful. I had two completely unproductive days at work (we are very busy at year-end) and now am behind and will have to play catch-up next week.
So here I sit, Friday evening, with a ton of things that I'd intended to do but don't have the energy to - start Xmas cards, inventory my prescriptions and call in renewals, work on the sweater I'm knitting as a gift, cleaning, laundry, and watching part of the "Six Feet Under" third season that I got from the library. Instead, I'll lay around, go to bed early, and once again be up a few times to check for lows.
My Saturday will start poorly from lack of sleep and the general imbalance my body's been through. Seems like as I've gotten older, I don't recover as fast from the highs - the effects linger for several days.
WHY do I do this? I am putting this sequence of events in writing so it will be imprinted on my brain - there are consequences for every action that I choose and the
I can't believe I ate the whole thing scenario led to two completely ruined days and will spill over into the weekend.
You'd think I'd get it by now. Does anybody out there have problems with binging. If so, how do you stop it before it takes on a life of its own? If I'd stopped at the bagel yesterday, I could have dealt with it and by early evening would have been back on track.
Fortunately, this doesn't happen often, and, tomorrow's a new day with hopefully, a better outcome.
Hope you all are enjoying the pleasures of the season.
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7 comments:
That's hard, and tiring. I'm glad to hear that things are looking a bit better, though losing days to highs is never fun.
If I start feeling out of control, and get high-sugar-hungry, I usually do Bernie Siegel's meditation tapes. Maybe it's the relaxing, but it always seems to put me in a better place and bring down my sugars a fair amount! If you'd like a copy, pm me your address and I'll mail you one. :) Of course, it would be hard to do something like that at work!
I just came off of a long long binge, around 5 - 6 weeks long! (and I gained six pounds in that time, I am lucky, it could and should have been more!)I am a terrible binge eater, with my main binge material anything sweet or carby. That is why I do not buy cookies, crackers, regular bread, white sugar (or brown for that matter), regular flour (I'll keep soy flour or rice flour, nothing else), or any even slightly sweetened cereal. Ive been known to eat an entire thing of cookies all the while carefully rationing one or two to the kids, in 24 hours! I have no self control, and I don't pretend to have any. The guilt of eating too much and feeling like I have no control finally led me to not buy that crap at all, because once I have one, it is all over. I don't have a solution for work food. I binge at work occasionally, but I have MUCH more control during the day than I do at night!
Cheer up - I am hard headed too. Why don't we learn? I wrote about the same thing in my last post. The snowball effect. The desire that totally washes out all memory of past experiences that should teach me something. Me too, I write the "lesson learned" in my logsheet, for which I am ever grateful to Kevin. I write it to try and stamp it into my brain! You know what I think - I think it is all chemistry. Some chemical gets me eating and then I cannot stop. The desire is so dam strong.
I think there are a lot of physiological things that are happening when our blood sugars are high.
I notice a big rise in urges to snack on carb heavy and sweet things when my blood sugar is high. So, it makes sense to me that you just kept on eating and eating.
I don't have a great answer, but wanted to you know that I fight with it too.
I just wanted to drop in and shamefully let you know that NO, i have not gone over and used the workout room with that key my coworker gave me. It is right across the street and it laughs at me every time I drive or walk past it. I will, starting january, i swear. Honest.
I actually am planning on beginning running again come january. i figure I want to be lazy and fat and december is the perfect month for it. I can be obssessive about my weight later.
I can't tell you how many times I've been high and told myself "Please, please, please remember how awful you feel right now so that you won't continue to do this to yourself." But I think that those feelings are like labor--it's not long before you're thinking: "That wasn't so bad. I think I could go another round."
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