FAME

Last night I was sorting through my week's mail and saw that the May/June issue of Diabetes Self-Management had arrived. I've gotten this magazine ever since its inception and really like it - lots of information.

On page 39, there was an article on diabetes blogs, written by none other than Allison.

I started reading and soon there was a reference to Super George. Hey, this was getting really exciting. My friend, SuperGeorge, in a national magazine. How cool is that?

There were also great references to Amy, Kerry, Penny and Rachel.

I was so pleased to see this. I quickly scanned the rest of the magazine, and here was an article by Kassie, "Talking to Your Children About Your Diabetes" and George again is on the printed page (page 68).

What can I say - good job everybody. What a nice surprise.

Ungrounded

I had an appointment this week with the "health psychologist" at a diabetes center here in town. He has T2 and we usually start out the session bantering back and forth about him thinking there's little difference and me thinking there's a major difference between T2 and T1.
I scheduled the appointment because another one of my T1 relatives is seriously ill. Actually, close to death with multiple organ failutre. I told him I felt very
ungrounded. He thought I was referring to "grounding" as the punishment my nephew gets when he uses too many of his cell phone minutes.

I think that in a way, me spacng out is a protective mechanism - if I'm in lala land, I don't have to be so close to the pain, the loss and the fear that I'll be next. However, being a fuzzball does not bode well for one's concentration and focus - the stuff that I need to perform my job, pay my bills, and managed my db.




One of the ways I try to deal with ungroundedness is to be outside as much as possible. And, without 4 feet of snow on the ground, it is much simpler. The above is a picture of the path I take each morning when I walk to the bus. It is wonderfaul - very peaceful at 6 a.m., with a few of the neighbor dogs who stop to say hi while on their walks. The trees and grass are calming and in a sense, protective. Nature's healing at its best.


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And this, is my Grandmother Tree. Can you see her, standing with arms outstretched?
As I walk, I see her up ahead, those loving arms ready to enfold me. I always feel such a stunning sense of belonging and connectedness when I look at her. She is a great reminder that I have a purpose for being, even with diabetes.

My ideal home would be a rustic cabin on a lake in the northern Minnesota pine forest, where I would roam in the woods daily.

But, in the meantime, the beauty right outside my door abounds. I am thankful.

This weekend, spend some time outdoors, wherever that might be, and return home with a renewed sense of wellness.

Unhappy Today

Yesterday I had my AlC appointment, one that I'd moved out a few weeks because I knew my numbers had been high.

I blamed this on my mother being seriously ill since November, resulting in a lot of stress and poor eating patterns (oh yeah, we can throw in Xmas, Valentine's Day and Easter too).

I had a very sleepless night and thought that it would be nice if the clinic went back to their old ways of mailing you the results vs. getting them while you're there. That way I wouldn't have to explain myself to the doc.

Mean nurse comes in and puts the bp cuff on the same arm they'd drawn 5 tubes of blood out of. I suggest using the other arm, and she's already inflating it. A big arc of blood shoots out, onto the floor, the desk, my t-shirt and hair.

Doc comes in and asks what the hell happened and I started sobbing - since I take brain meds, I rarely cry, and this startled me. After things were cleaned up, he asks how I am and I start crying again, saying my mother's been sick and I'm having a hard time dealing with it-
and oh, by the way, my sugars have been very high.

He swings the computer screen around and says, "yes, you're AlC is higher than last time - it's up to 7.5".

7.5 - WTF - I was expecting at least 9%. This must be a lab error - wrong patient, wrong day, something is screwed up.

"No, Kathy - that's you on the screen. Now let's just take a look at your records. Hmmmmm. The numbers do seem pretty high at times."

He asks if I have any other issues to address, and leaves. I drift out, feeling like diabetes is always trying to play games - show me that I'm not as smart as I think I am.......I hate it. This was just as bad as someone who expects a lower readng and it comes back high. The unexpected. Unpredictable. Major suckage.

I then go back to the counter and ask to speak to the doc again.

"Maybe I have anemia."
"No, Kathy, you don't have anemia. We did a full blood count."
"Maybe I have some other problem with my red blood cells - something life-threatening."
"That's highly unlikely."

Mean nurse, who is leafing through a Crate & Barrel catalog, looks at me like I'm a crazywoman. At that point, I sure felt like it.

I have the right to expect some consistency - this is the first A1C that I've been way off at guessing, and I feel stupid and inadequate. Diabetes does not have a right to do this to me. That big old troll needs to stay under the bridge.