Sunday, May 24, 2009

Time Thief

Last Monday, I had the pleasure of celebrating my oldest nephew's graduation from the University of Minnesota.

(Isn't he just impossibly cute?) Yes, his mother cried. Yes, I cried. I had such a big jumble of emotions inside me, I had to sit down on a bench for a couple of minutes.

Never, ever, did I expect to still be living on this day. And yet here I am, with 35 years of db under my belt. I work and support myself. I am a valued friend and family member, and contribute to my community. At present I have nothing to be p-ssed off about. Except the years that db stole from me. Or, were they the years I willingly gave away?

I remember the day that L was born. My sister called me at work, and after I hung up the phone I went into the supply room and cried among the sticky notes and rubber bands. Not tears of joy, but tears of rage because I mostly likely wouldn't be around to see this little boy enter first grade.

Their family lived about 4 hours north of here, so I saw L maybe 3 times a year. Sure, I sent birthday cards and Xmas gifts, but, I kept my distance because I didn't want him to know and love an auntie who dropped dead in her 30's. (Yeah, I know. Makes no sense to me now).

It wasn't until he came to Minneapolis to start college that I let down my defenses. I invited him to lunch. He had initially intended on becoming a pharmacist so it was no problem for me to test my blood in front of him. Each time we got together, our visits became more intimate and all the years of distance dropped away. I know that he and I talked about things that he was not willing to discuss with his parents. And I'm thankful he felt confident to share these issues with me.

So, off he is going to his first job as an actuary at the State Farm Insurance headuarters in Bloomington Illinois. And, I'm full expecting to be around to dance at his wedding. Yes, it's a strange feeling. But I'm okay with that.

Heck, why not really tempt fate and fully expect to be around to dance at this little gal's wedding?

No her mother did not forget to wash her face. E had been to a birthday party with a lady bug theme. Hence and red and black dots.

John Lennon said that "life is what happens when you're making other plans". Well, I guess I was planning to die. And now I'm planning to live. Don't know for how long. Let's just leave that open.