Wednesday, September 20, 2006


I just got done yelling (in all cap letters)online at my nephew, "E", in Duluth because he "forgot" to tell me that his mother had an emergency appendectomy on Monday (she is fine). He and I talk several times a week and he thought I knew.

Well, it wasn't E's fault that I had a meltdown It's because it reminded me of all the sudden things that can be thrown our way, that we don't know are coming, that can shatter our world in a second.

And that's what illness is sometimes about - uncertainty - we hope the treatment will work, but we don't know for sure; this rarely happens, but, in your case...........; our "best guess" would be .....; past experience indicates..........." -- blah blah blah. And with uncertainty comes fear. Fear that I won't be okay, fear that I won't be able to cope with what comes next, fear that my life will be shortened in some dreadful way before I get everything done.

Now we've all heard of the person who gets a clean bill of health at the doc's office and has a fatal heart attack leaving the building, or the individual who gets run over by the bus while innocently crossing the street. Yes, we are all vulnerable, but diabetes makes us more aware of this.

So instead of letting the "fear cauldron" boil over, I'm going to send E an animated e-mail wink and apologize, call my sister and tell her I love her, and make some jewelry with these beautiful glass beads I've been hoarding. Scrubbin the bathtub and other assorted chores on my list for tonight can wait until tomorrow. Diabetes has taught me not to forget what's important.


Anonymous said...

I love that you're using your precious beads. I find it hard to break the habit of saving things for the perfect moment, instead of making my own perfect moment. Diabetes has taught me to work harder on making those moments.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister, and I hope she's doing well with the recovery. One wonderful thing about the OC is that for the first time, I know people who get the fears and heartbreak that come with this disease... so make your jewelry, and make your own wonderful days, and when you need backup, here we'll be :),

Anonymous said...

Hope your sister has a speedy recovery. That's my "favorite thing" about having diabetes, that it's a constant reminder of what is important.