Friday, November 09, 2007

D Blog Day

Oh mercy. I was fooling around trying to see how pictures would look for a knitting blog (not a good choice for those with time limitations) and put this one up instead of the one showing my hands at the computer keyboard. I guess I'll leave it, as I expect I have a weekend's worth of blogs to read.

A whole year as fled by since D Blog Day 2006. Not much has changed on the diabetes front for me. Yup, I still have it. Nope, it did not magically disappear. Thankfully, my health remains reasonable after 33 years of navigating the rocky-choppy db waters.

I often feel like I'm a big impostor - that I pretend that living with diabetes is easy and no big deal. I put on my smiley face and go through the motions of living as if nothing were bothering me. Who is asking me to do that? Nobody, really. It is a choice because sometimes the pretending is my only salvation.

I have many Type 1 relatives. One person died earlier
this year of multiple organ failute, and one was recently put on a kidney/pancreas transplant waiting list. This is reality - upfront and personal. The pretending is a necessary break from the choking burden of fear and apprehension.

But, there are other realities to my life besides diabetes.

I left home at 5:50 this morning, and, there it was - that indescribably, pre-sunrise shade of blue that fills the sky this time of year. I wanted to stand on the street and let it soak into my bones The contrast of yellow autumn leaves against that sky was stunning. One of my neighbors was also headed to the bus stop and we walked the last block together, debating whether that lone twinkle above us was Venus or not. Those 10 minutes were not pretend; they were not Pollyanna - they were real, true pleasure. As authentic as it gets. And I was able to accept this as the quintessential warm fuzzy starting my day.

Blogging about db has taught me that we each are as different as we are alike; that there are may ways to tackle a problem; that numbers are only information and don't need to be tizzed over; that transitioning to a pump is not particularly difficult; that challenging emotions don't last forever; and, that change is constant. I've learned that people of all ages have the strength and courage to adapt to new situations, such as this determined mother who is trailblazing new paths for her small children.

Diabetes aside, because I blog I have learned about henna body art, I now know what a curly coated retrievor is ("woof" to Skye), and how smart and perceptive service dogs are ("woof" to Ms. Dixie). I have received personal instructions on how to properly prepare acorn squash, and a kind offer of a bodyguard should I get the urge to scrounge the riverbottom for driftwood.

I don't like living with diabetes. I don't feel it's made me a better person. I continue to work toward acceptance and balance and use my What Helps?
list on days when coping seems impossible.

But, still, I allowed my heart to open when I read about the arrival of Baby L, Pepito, Izzie, Ian and Eleanor, and the forthcoming Baby Bonilla. These dear sweet babies are the fullfilment of the promise - that life is essentialy good, that hope is real, and that we will continue.

Happy D. Blog Day!


Cara said...

How beautiful! Yes, we have met in the chatroom. I hope you don't mind that I added your blog to my page. It's nice to "run into people" in more than one place, isn't it?

Sandra Miller said...

I've read so many wonderful D-Blog posts today that I'm beginning to think there must be a correlation between having diabetes and the capacity for eloquence.

This was just beautiful.

(Btw, thanks for the kind words about the kids-- they look more alike every day... and yeah, I think they're pretty darn handsome, too. :-)

BetterCell said...

Dance this dance along with me,
For countless others we will always see.
Fret not about what Diabetes brings,
For Life that brings Awe,
gives rise to Enchanted things.


in search of balance said...

What is that fabulous thing you are knitting? It looks like it has scallops or points... and pretty colors...

Okay, back to the issue at hand. Your blog is awesome. Every time I see a post from you in the Bloglines, I'm delighted because I know you'll be honest and powerful. Thank you for your contributions to this community. :) :)

Christine-Megan said...

Ya know what? I like the knitting picture.

Happy D-Blog Day!

Zazzy said...

I've been missing your posts! It's nice to read you again.

Sometimes I think it's a very fine line between acceptance and pretending. I don't think it's healthy to be in a state of constant angst about diabetes or any other life challenge. On the other hand, stuffing it all and pretending there isn't a challenge isn't great either. I don't know about you, but I have trouble finding the balance.

Bad Decision Maker said...

Just delurking...
thanks for this beautfiul, raw, honest post.

Donna said...

What are you knitting in the picture? It's such pretty colors!

I really enjoy reading your posts. It's a joy to read. You are always so honest & up front with your feelings and you write them so eloquently. Thanks for being here.

Minnesota Nice said...

Cara - yes it is very fun to run into someone in another place. And, I just noticed you have a new picture - lovely!

Sandra - thank you, my neighbor. Do you ever get to Minneapolis?

Barry - your little poems are precious to me. What shall we dance to? "Highway 61 Revisited"?

Beth - thanks for the compliment - and I like your soulful wisdom.

Christine-Megan - I sort of like the picture too, but I am not finishing it right now because I don't like the colors.

Zaz - yeah, the search for finding "the right place" for the db is probably a life-long process.

BDM - thanks so much for stopping by!

Donna, this was gonna be a Christmas gift - a trinagular shaped scarf. The outside of the ball of yarn looked like varigated greens, and then Suddenly here was this red/orage in the middle! I do not like it and have set it aside for now. (It may grow on me, however.)

BetterCell said...

We can dance to Desolation Row.

Chrissie in Belgium said...

GOD I love your blog! Anything I can say, to show my appreciation sounds so punny. You bring up all the important issues, you say it just so perfectly. As you have said, we have been communicating for over a year now. Thanks for being there Kathy. Why do we plaster that happy face on? If we don't we just drag ourselves down even further. And when we do GRIPE to others who are not diabetic, what bloody good does it do? I do NOT believe they understand what we are talking about. If they care, but don't really understand, their inability to help will often just make them annoyed at us. And does any non-diabetic really understand? If anyone understands me, it is my husaband. I love my husband and I will never criticize all the support he gives me, but I still do not think he really understands. You have to experience a hypo, you have to experience a hyper, ketones, being scared to take a walk b/c just THIS time my bg mightdrop like a stone. So we plaster that smile on. What other alternative do we have? When we plaster that smile on, we force ourselves to be cheerful, and then the world DOES become brighter. We diabetics are given the gift of learning to appreciate the little things that are so damm BIG - the twinkling star, the gold leaves, the blue sky, our pet's snuggle. It sounds so corny, but it is so true. I really liked your blog entry. Thank you for your heart-felt words, and thank you for not smothering us with scheduled on-time blog entries expressing nothing. I will gladly wait for your blog entries; when they come they are always GOOD. Thanks for being my friend Kathy!

Eve said...

I followed you over from your post at Zazen in the Moonlight. I am a type 2 diabetic, not insulin dependent, but dependent on Actos and Metformin. In my family diabetes is pretty much a given - everyone gets it sooner or later. Not many type 1's, but a few of those, too. I've heard that some type 1's don't like to be considered in the same boat as type 2's. It's not true that we are receiving our just reward for a lifetime of overindulgence and indolence. Anyway, I'm not looking for controversy. I appreciate the support and wisdom of other diabetics. Because diabetes is so prevalent in my family it was never really scary for me when I was diagnosed 15 years ago. I've managed to have good control all that time. I have other serious health problems that are more of a challenge to me. They are not as a result of the diabetes, but everything in our lives is affected by and has an affect on diabetes.

One of my hobbies is knitting. I, too, admire the project in your hands. It is lacy and pretty. I hope you learn to like it again. It would be a shame to waste all that work.

Minnesota Nice said...

Chrissie (my sister-cross-the-waters) - yes, many times if we act cheerful, we then begin to feel that way, and there is nothing wrong with that. Nobody like to be around a crabapple.
Chrissie, you are a vibrant and disciplined lady - yup, the pleasure is also mine!

Eve - yes, I know you from your comments over at Zazzy's blog - she really inspires sme in-depth discussions. As far as the scarf goes, I would never unravel anything - I just put the stitches on a piece of string, make a few notes and put it in a baggie until I feel like picking it up again - and, I always do. I am thankful that I have gotten over my "grit your teeth until it's done" attitude. But, it's also a great pleasure to resume something and have it turn out well.
Thanks for stopping by!

Scott K. Johnson said...

What a beautiful post MN. You have blessed me with some true gems of wisdom in your posts and the comments you have shared.

I very much appreciate that.

I very much appreciate you.

Minnesota Nice said...

Scott, my dear brother.
Please know that if it were not for you and your warm welcome and encouragement, I would not be blogging today............Thank you.

Molly said...

What a great post!
Dixie says "woof" right back at you. She hopes to be able to meet you someday.
I love reading your blog--especially because I know that you're a fellow Twin Citier!

Minnesota Nice said...

Molly, I think we are all looking for more "Dixie Tidbits" - she is one famous pooch. (I am also now reading about Schatzie.)
Yes, I too like knowing that there are neighbors in the fold.

Amylia said...

yay to you! i enjoy your blogposts so very much. you have a wise old soul, but a young spirit, which I love.

Jayne said...

Minnesota Nice, you make the world so much nicer. Thank you.

Lyrehca said...

Thank you for this terrific post. Despite my falling off the face of the blogosphere, I'm still an avid reader. And Baby L (now napping just to the right of my computer right there ----> ) thanks you for the mention!

Minnesota Nice said...

Amylia - what a wonderful thing to say. Thank you!

Jayne - thank's for stopping by!

Lyrehca - when I began blogging, Baby L was still a glimmer in his papa's eye. I thought, "gee, this woman is determined"........and, look where that determination got you. Give the boy a kiss on the forehead for me!

Sandra Miller said...

We haven't been to Minneapolis since Evan was a baby.

If we make our way back, you (and Scott) will be the first to hear of it. :-)

AmyT said...

Happy Dblog Day, and World Diabetes Day -- a little belated, but I'm just coming up for air.

Hey MN, I noticed that you don't have on your blogroll. Would you mind adding me?

All the best,

MileMasterSarah said...

thank you for the kind mention :)

Amylia said...

You've been tagged for the random 7!
The rules are simple:

1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post.
5. Let each person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Oh, and have fun!

Chrissie in Belgium said...

I tagged you for the 7 meme. Pls look at my blog if you are interested in taking part!

Heidi said...

Hi Kathy, I don't know if you have already been tagged for the 7 meme, if not then I hereby tag you :-) The rules are in my blog shortly

Drea said...

I tagged you!!! (see my blog)

Here are the rules:

1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post.
5. Let each person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
Thanks & have fun!

Minnesota Nice said...

Amy - yes, my blogroll needs a big update.
Sarah - keep up the wonderful work!

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