Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Dr F

Last .Friday at dialysis was a bad day. Plain and simple.

Just as I got there they were carting someone off in an ambulance. Shortly after that, the lady next to me threatened to pull out her needles and walk away. (She is referred to as a "behavior problem".) A couple of the male staff had to hold her until she calmed down, but there was a lot of loud screaming in between.

I had forgotten my book and really didn't feel like watching another episode of Martha Stewart, or the pet channel talking about dwarf hamsters.

I kept thinking "is this what my life has crumbled down to"?

Dr. F happened to be there, making rounds of his patients. He is not my doctor, but I always thought he looked interesting - mid 60's, bald with a very twinkling smile. Each time he comes he has this Russian lady teach him a few words

The unit consists of a big square room with recliners around the perimeter and the nurses station in the center. I was in one of the corners, which is where I prefer to be.

I was surprised when Dr. F come over to me. "How are you today, Ms P?" I tried to hold back the tears and muttered something about having a bad day. He then said he sensed that things were not going well and wondered if there was anything he could do.

One of the technicians said "you better get out of her space - you done went and made her cry". He then said that I looked like a million dollars. I don't know how distorted his perception is, for my hair was sticking out at goofy angles and I had a big food stain on my shirt.........

This guy seems to be a very special person. There I was, not even his patient, tucked away in a corner, and yet he sensed I was having a bad day. What a gem.
Since my "episode" I have had a ton of kind and compassionate doctors cross my path, either for just a moment, or longer. And I cannot describe what a difference it has made.


meanderings said...

Bad days are not good. In fact, they're rather sucky.
Kindness definitely makes a difference. How nice of the doc to stop and chat, even if it did make you cry.
Hope your next day is very much better!

Anonymous said...

The kindness of strangers is somehow the most touching.


Zazzy said...

Did I ever tell you that I went through a very bad depression after my accident? I was in the hospital three months and then in rehab an additional three months. I had a lot of emotions during that time - fear being the chief - and certainly had some depression from time to time (http://poetry.zazzysmilies.com/outthere.html).

But the real kick-my-ass depression didn't come until I had been home a while. I think I had been so focused on getting better, getting home, that I didn't have time to grieve until then. After I'd been home a couple months, I started realizing -- or not realizing so much as really understanding? -- how my life had changed, the things that I had lost, and that these things were permanent.

It didn't matter that things could have been worse. It was no comfort that I was really very lucky. I had no acceptance that others might have it much worse. Those are all logical thoughts and I think have nothing to do with grief.

I'm sorry this is so long, and I babble so much before I get to my point. Be kind to yourself. Grieve. Love yourself anyway. Surround yourself with kind people. Don't let anyone, including you, tell you that you shouldn't feel sad. You're a very strong person but it's okay to not feel strong. It's okay to grieve. And remember that you really do have a lot of people who care about you.

Big hugs!

Karen said...

What a wonderful story. I love that he stopped and took time to talk to you, even though you aren't his patient. Good doctors are hard to find!!

Anonymous said...

I had no idea you are on dialysis, but as always such a upbeat post.


Anonymous said...

hi, new to the site, thanks.